QOTD #00070: “What is the closest blue object you could use to defend yourself? How?”

“Um, the closest blue object to me is this pillow. Pillowcase. I hope that the pillow is involved in the pillowcase. Um, I don't know how I would - maybe I would run at my intruder, try to smother him. I don't think it would work out very well for me.”

“No lie, the closest blue object near me is - wuh - this straight-up anvil. Not even joking. This is the closest blue thing near me. How would I use it to defend against an intruder? Drop it on their toes, I don't know. Uh, just swing it around, I suppose. It's really heavy. Other than that, not many blue things around here.”

“The closest blue object near me is my saline solution, and I think with that you just squirt it into their eyes. Having salt water poured into your eyes is not a fun experience, especially if you're not expecting it. So yeah, I just think squirting it into their eyes and probably yelling something scary will get them out of the door immediately.”

“Coincidental timing. The closest blue object to me is the top of these treats being eaten by this cat. So, in defense, I would pour treats lightly over the offender, and then I would let this little guy right here go at him. And let me tell you what, he can defend himself.”

“So, the closest blue object to me is actually my trash can right over there. How would I use it? I'd probably just grab it and throw it right at him. That's what I'd do. I'd hit him right in the head with it. Uh, and, you know, I haven't cleaned it in a while, so the smell will probably catch him right off guard. He's gonna be stunned by the smell, he's gonna be dazed by me hitting him with it, and that's it. We're gonna kick him out. We're gonna get that intruder way outta here. That's what we plan on doing. That's what I'm doing with my blue object.”

“Okay, the closest blue object to me is - this. It's a couple colors, but it's blue. And you already know how I'mma get busy with this junk. It's going "uhm." I'mma throw it. Simple.”

“This is a funny and interesting question. "What is the closest blue object near you, and how would you use it to defend against an intruder?" Well, I'm sitting in my car, obviously, so options are limited. But as I look around, I have a dark blue sweater, so I guess the method that I would have to do would be smothering, strangulation - I'm not very strong. Hopefully I could overpower that intruder and, pray to God.”

“"What's the closest blue object near you, and how would you use it to defend against an intruder?" It's a pair of shorts. Uh, I could, you know, I'd probably - yeah, I'd probably choke them. That'd probably be my go-to. So, anyone who's thinking of intruding on me and my blue shorts, just watch out.”

“The closest blue object to me right now is one of those giant recycling bins, which is, you know, very lightweight. I don't think that I could actually use it for anything violent, but I'm kinda small, so I would always try to hide inside of it, and that would be my defense.”

“Closest blue object? How would I defend myself, you ask? Know what I would do if there was an intruder? I'd just take him off and show him what I'm working with. Ah, can't make these bad boys out of foam and duct tape. You want some? Come get some.”

“I'm sitting on my blue blanket. I would bag that boy up with my blanket. I'd wrap him up like a Christmas present and put him under the tree with my blanket. I would- I would just smother him with my blanket. I'd do anything to defeat that intruder with this blue blanket. And if you want proof, that's the blue blanket. You can't mess with it.”